What do I have to do for you to become my wife?

So, after quite some negotiating and paying off people we finally were let into Goma and free to pursue our own mission. It was to find somewhere to sleep and then a place where we could have dinner – for the party afterwards we were told that the ‘Coco Jambo’ was the place to go to. As we walked up the hill and into the town on the dusty and practically disintegrated ‘boulevard the goma’ we passed a place that emanated the smell of nice food. We stopped and asked the security guard where we could find a hotel – he directed us to a hotel literally round the corner from the restaurant; we went there and got rooms. 10 minutes later we were back at the doga restaurant; a big place under a thatched roof with a big round bar, tables all around, a pool table in the middle and a dance floor at the front. The music was quite good and the menu looked appealing; we went for tilapia a la moussade (a mustardy sauce) and croquettes. It was not as good as I had pictured it in my head but nice anyway. The beer – tembo – was very nice; a bit more like an ale in the colour and taste but with about the same amount of bubbles as lager – a good mix. Shame that they ran out after we’d finished the first one. After we’d finished eating the local hero got on stage and started performing his dirty dancing number, flashing off his nicely shaped and toned body, all the while flicking burning cigarettes from his lips into his mouth and back again – people gave him money in return – it was a rather amusing spectacle to watch.

Eventually we decided it was time to go and find this famous ‘Coco Jambo’ club that everyone who’s ever been to Goma had been recommending. It turned out to be across the road from the hotel – ace! It was one of the coolest places I’ve ever been to: all open, palm trees everywhere, little tables scattered around the place, a big bar in the middle and plenty of space to dance whilst keeping some intimacy to the place; very nice! The music was good too and we did what people do when they go out dancing on a Saturday night; we drank and danced. Of course it did not take long for the men to make their usual advances (and actually, the Congolese are a bit less aggressive than the Rwandese at the Cadillac) but still, it didn’t take long for a guy to go – ‘tu es vraiment très belle – qu’est-ce que je dois faire pour que tu sois ma femme?’ well, not even in all my time in South America did I get asked this about 3 minutes into the ‘conversation’ – good to know I could still get a husband if I wanted one ;-)) I told the guy to get lost – which of course he didn’t and so all night long he kept popping up like some advert on the internet – ‘tu es vraiment très très belle’ – well, thanks mate!

There were also others; a set of Indian guys had it in for Christine and one of them claimed that he was going to kiss her; after all her ‘brother’ had said it was ok – she had to duck and escape – more than once! But what do you expect of a guy that goes out with a friend wearing a t-shirt reading ‘I think better when I’m drunk’ – don’t want to know what they’re like sober!! Then there was also the woman in the traditional dress with the scary eyes. She had been dancing around us for quite a while, so when she leaned towards Christine, Christine thought that she wanted to say something to her; instead she gave her a full on ear lick – yum!

Eventually we had had enough to drink and had a good old boogie and were ready for bed; after all we didn’t come to Goma to do what we can do in Kigali every weekend, namely sleep the days away! So we went to bed and got a few hours of sleep in before we had to go back to the border and get our passports… but if you’re ever in Goma, do go to the Coco Jambo club – it’s an experience you shouldn’t miss!