don't worry - this is not going to be one of those spiritual essays on how your intentions shape your outcomes and how that leads you to true love. but it's true - sometimes even the best intentions can backfire and get you into trouble; and being a white woman in africa - well, it's that - but for once I got one of them back ;-))
on our way back from kibuye we got on one of the comparibly big government buses. it was luxury compared to the other means of transport we had been forced to use - and as happened many times on that trip - as soon as we commented on something that was finally going well, it f'd up. I think it was about 20 minutes after I said this is the best bus journey we've had so far... we're about 20 minutes outside of kigali - it's getting dark and we're looking forward to being home, having a shower and going out later. then there's this 'clock, clock' noise and a lopsided bumping feeling to the bus. we had a flat tyre... argh. we get out and stand on the side of the road watching the spectacle unfold. they get the key to loosen the screws on the wheels. this involves several men discussing, giving orders, finally one starts jumping on the handle of the key to have more leverage to loosen the screws. then they start the engine and drive the bus onto a rock. by that point I gave up hope thinking - how on earth are they going to get the wheel off and the replacement wheel on? don't they have a jack?
I called my friend to come and rescue us. I explained to her which road we were on and roughly where I thought we were. it should have taken her 30 mins max. round about the time she should have turned up the bus was miraculously fixed (you should never loose faith when in africa) and pulled out - without us. to add to all the trouble my phone had run out of battery so I had no way of communicating with my friend who was freaking out along the road. eventually this man explained that we were further away from the city than what I'd told her - and after another hour or so of standing by the side of the road in the pitch black, surrounded by random strangers who no doubt just wanted our money, our friend finally turned up and rescued us.
the morale of the story: the good idea of calling a friend to the rescue turned out to not be the best idea; just as well the country is relatively safe and luckily nothing happened to us standing on the side of the road wearing a headtorch to make ourselves recognisable...
and now - of men and women. here men can be a right pest, not really knowing when to leave you alone. what european men often don't have enough, they have too much here - always commenting, hitting on you, trying their luck. it gets really tiring - and even if you're outright rude and explicit with them they don't get it.
so - the scene is evening rush hour traffic in kampala, my friend and I are standing on the side of the road with our backpacks after a long and dusty bus ride followed by a lox and cream cheese bagle in the 'new york kitchen' situated in a corner of an underground car park at the garden city shopping mall; nothing like eating a bagle in a cloud of unfiltered diesel fumes ;-)) we are waiting to be picked up by my friend with whom we're going to stay.
as is usual a boda boda (moto-taxi) drives by - ugandan boda-drivers are super cool; they all wear sunglasses and no helmets. he slows down, looks us up and down and goes 'taxi?' - we answer no and turn our heads in the opposite direction. he carries on driving whilst not taking his eyes off us. he is basically driving in one direction whilst his visual attention is focused in the opposite one.
we hear a BANG and then the sound of metal scraping the tarmac - and of course we turn our head in the direction of the noise. well, guess what? the boda driver was so busy looking at two dusty tired mzungu girls that he promply didn't see the pick up that was stood in the road - and went crash bang into it... the driver got up, holding his balls, swearing and recovering his bike which had slid across the road and onto the second lane.
my friend and I tried not to laugh; but tears were rolling down our cheeks whilst our bodies shook with laughter. serves him right!
Friday, 26 June 2009
Sunday, 7 June 2009
the bertinchen chronicles – episode umpteen and one – or an encounter with the mythical elephant
well – the story continues. my friend arrived and for the first couple of days everything went exactly according to plan. we rejoiced in spending time together both slightly flabbergasted by the normalness that was being together; it took all of 3 seconds to adjust to physically being around each other again after over a year of separation.
I had planned it all out carefully and during the first week a visit of akagera national park was on the menu. it is nothing compared to the serengeti or the maasai mara but you can still see giraffes, zebras, gazelles and hippos – and let’s face it – you can’t take a trip to africa without at least attempting to see some of the wildlife. and so we spent monday preparing an incredible pic nic to take with us to the park; chilled the wine and got all our camping gear ready. we had thought of everything. on tuesday morning we loaded the car, took the dog to the sitter and set out on our road trip to akagera. I had already noticed that since the repairs on the car the gears were not going in as easily as before – but then again it is an old car and it drives a bit differently after each time at the garage; nothing to worry about I thought.
we arrived at the national park and parked the car with the engine running due to starting problems ;-) the guy took ages to work out the price we were supposed to pay but eventually we had our receipt and got back in the car. the ranger was telling me to be careful: the rogue elephant – a myth as far as I’m concerned – had been sighted in the direction in which we were going. if we did come across him we should slow down, reverse and get away; he has been known to have overturned cars before. I was a bit nervous at that but at the same time thought – well, nobody I know has ever seen that elephant – so chances are we won’t come across him either…
I smiled, thanked the guy and proceeded to put the car in first gear to take off. but I can’t get the gear in. at all. nor second, nor third, nor reverse… I was stunned and an opera of swearwords went off in my head. but I have learnt not to lose faith that quickly and so I turned off the engine to see whether it made any difference. I think I managed to put in second gear. so I got people to push me to bump start the car. turns out the wheels were blocked (and yes, I was pressing the clutch all the way down). well – I think you can imagine what I felt like… being this close to the barrier and the wildlife and having a car that is supposedly working perfectly fine again after 10 days in the garage. the national park people called out a guy who knew a little bit about engines and he concluded that there was a problem with the ‘volant-moteur’ but that I should be able to make it back to kigali because the gears would go in as long as the wheels were in motion. right. so at least we didn’t need to get towed from almost tanzania.
the next morning I tried to do the rolling down the hill in neutral, then putting in second gear and jumping the car. didn’t work and I was stranded. I called my special friend at the garage who eventually put me in touch with the big boss who came and towed me personally. that afternoon – or was it the next day? – I went to pick up the car at the agreed time when the boss comes up to me saying: ‘madame, nous avons un grand probleme’ – I do not like hearing that sentence… well – to cut a long story short: turns out that they had indeed replaced my ‘volant-moteur’ – but the one they’d put in was not compatible with my car; something to do with the angle of the teeth. anyway – I had to go and recover the old part; this involved telling white lies and paying way too much for the other guy’s transport – and in the end they recycled the old part and put it back in the car. the boss was mortified and they did the entire reparation for free. so the next day I went to pick up my car and a wad of money – a nice feeling. the gears were sliding in like a knife through butter and it was pure pleasure driving the car.
by that time it was friday and of course we were not going to miss the big techno party. I’d even bought a new pair of high heels which I promptly showed off at the party; not without falling face-first on the floor due to a miscalculation in walking up a step. grated my nailvarnish off my toenails and provided a good laugh ;-))
later we wanted to go back home and of course the car wouldn’t start… so there we were, pushing the car to bump start it once more, me in high heels and pretty clothes… must have been quite a sight!
the next day we spent recovering, chilling out and cooking again for our renewed attempt at the national park planned for sunday. we had a good sleep, got up and breakfasted and proceeded to loading the car once again; we’re getting really good at this now. we drove off to akagera, paid for our tickets again – this time it was half price because of a promotion during the entire month of may – buy one get one free; or do they call it two for one? never mind. when we told the guy that four days earlier this promotion had not been on he told us that they got informed about it late… mmmh, nearly all of may late. this is africa.
we drove off and enjoyed the views of the lake and the general feeling of having finally made it to our destination; the gods were on our side again! I was trying to find the pic nic spot by the lake which we had been to last time and we were driving up this road and round the bend and – OH! not 10 metres away stood the mythical elephant bull, munching away on papyrus. I tried to say something but no words came out; I must have looked like a fish out of water. we were a bit confused as to what to do. the elephant seemed chilled enough and didn’t seem to take any notice of us – and yet we were scared that he might suddenly charge and attack. we took some pictures and then reversed away from him. so the path to our pic nic spot was blocked. oh well, never mind, we found another spot on the shores of the lake; parked the car nose down and settled down with a glass of nice white wine and a wonderful pic nic.
it got to about four pm and we decided it was time to head up the camp site, set up camp and settle down for the night; indulge on another glass of wine and game of backgammon by the fire. obviously the car didn’t start with the key so we rolled it down the hill and guess what? it didn’t jump. so we had the nose of the car almost in the marshes that lead up to the lake and couldn’t get the engine running. shit. but we’re strong girls and so we pushed her backwards to try again. it took all our strength to push her across the uneven ground and back up the slope to try again. and again it didn’t work. we pushed her back one last time – by that time sweating and aching. but we pushed and pushed and eventually deemed her far enough up the hill to try again. and again we failed. so there was bertinchen, right next to the water and of course now that we needed cars none were anywhere near us. we sat there wondering what to do. we kind of figured out that the spot where we were must be a hippo grazing spot. and sure enough just as we’d established that we could hear splashing and grunting. we both got scared… what if they come out now? it is round about the time when dusk starts settling down and the time when hippos are likely to emerge from the lake to graze… should we stay in the car? should we walk away from it? from the bush on the other side we could hear other noises and with the rogue elephant not far we were a bit worried, naturally. we phoned the park reception to ask them to radio the rangers so that they could help us push the car back onto the track where we could bump start it easily. in the meantime I walked up to the track to see if I could find anyone. it was like the opening scene of a horror movie: two people setting out for a night of camping, car breaks down, one leaves to get help and never comes back, the other one also gets eaten by the monster. we stayed together. the clonking noises we could hear turned out to be someone chopping wood. he didn’t speak neither English nor French; but luckily I could just about say ‘me having problem car’ in Kiswahili. and he could push… together we nearly got the car back onto the track. the last 5 metres were managed with the help of a couple of rangers that turned up. we bump started her and were on the road again. so far so good.
we arrived at the camp site just as the sun was setting; and it was just idyllic. the fire had already been lit – just as well as we should discover later; what I thought was kerosene turned out to be coca cola… that’s what happens when your cleaning lady stocks the coca cola bottle next to the kerosene jerry can where for months before there had been an old coke bottle filled with kerosene. so imagine the laugh I had when I was about to light the lanterns and by chance decided to smell the liquid first – I thought, that smells awfully sweet for kerosene…
the next morning we witnessed a beautiful sunrise, had fresh, hot coffee straight from the espresso machine in the embers of the fire and overall were looking forward to finding giraffes, zebras and any other animal we could find.
naturally we had to bump start the car. but now the engine randomly kept dying. by the time we got to the reception I was nervous and pissed off. we called out the park’s mechanic again who fiddled with the car for a good hour to conclude there was something wrong with the starter motor. they. had. just. fixed. that.
but he also concluded that if we went slowly and on low revs we should be able to make it back to kigali. we took a little detour to find the giraffes; and we did. it was magnificent. but too short.
we made it back to kigali all right and I took the car back to the garage. again. when the mechanic looked at it he concluded that the starter motor seemed fine, but that there wasn’t enough electrical tension to start the car; in short – something in the circuit is not working. and I bet you it’s the effing cables in the end.
so here we are again; the plan was to set out on the second road trip of the holiday tomorrow. this won’t be possible. so much for planning. and here’s to my friend who is currently achieving proficiency level in the crash course on African patience… pole pole. this is africa. and I love it. regardless.
I had planned it all out carefully and during the first week a visit of akagera national park was on the menu. it is nothing compared to the serengeti or the maasai mara but you can still see giraffes, zebras, gazelles and hippos – and let’s face it – you can’t take a trip to africa without at least attempting to see some of the wildlife. and so we spent monday preparing an incredible pic nic to take with us to the park; chilled the wine and got all our camping gear ready. we had thought of everything. on tuesday morning we loaded the car, took the dog to the sitter and set out on our road trip to akagera. I had already noticed that since the repairs on the car the gears were not going in as easily as before – but then again it is an old car and it drives a bit differently after each time at the garage; nothing to worry about I thought.
we arrived at the national park and parked the car with the engine running due to starting problems ;-) the guy took ages to work out the price we were supposed to pay but eventually we had our receipt and got back in the car. the ranger was telling me to be careful: the rogue elephant – a myth as far as I’m concerned – had been sighted in the direction in which we were going. if we did come across him we should slow down, reverse and get away; he has been known to have overturned cars before. I was a bit nervous at that but at the same time thought – well, nobody I know has ever seen that elephant – so chances are we won’t come across him either…
I smiled, thanked the guy and proceeded to put the car in first gear to take off. but I can’t get the gear in. at all. nor second, nor third, nor reverse… I was stunned and an opera of swearwords went off in my head. but I have learnt not to lose faith that quickly and so I turned off the engine to see whether it made any difference. I think I managed to put in second gear. so I got people to push me to bump start the car. turns out the wheels were blocked (and yes, I was pressing the clutch all the way down). well – I think you can imagine what I felt like… being this close to the barrier and the wildlife and having a car that is supposedly working perfectly fine again after 10 days in the garage. the national park people called out a guy who knew a little bit about engines and he concluded that there was a problem with the ‘volant-moteur’ but that I should be able to make it back to kigali because the gears would go in as long as the wheels were in motion. right. so at least we didn’t need to get towed from almost tanzania.
the next morning I tried to do the rolling down the hill in neutral, then putting in second gear and jumping the car. didn’t work and I was stranded. I called my special friend at the garage who eventually put me in touch with the big boss who came and towed me personally. that afternoon – or was it the next day? – I went to pick up the car at the agreed time when the boss comes up to me saying: ‘madame, nous avons un grand probleme’ – I do not like hearing that sentence… well – to cut a long story short: turns out that they had indeed replaced my ‘volant-moteur’ – but the one they’d put in was not compatible with my car; something to do with the angle of the teeth. anyway – I had to go and recover the old part; this involved telling white lies and paying way too much for the other guy’s transport – and in the end they recycled the old part and put it back in the car. the boss was mortified and they did the entire reparation for free. so the next day I went to pick up my car and a wad of money – a nice feeling. the gears were sliding in like a knife through butter and it was pure pleasure driving the car.
by that time it was friday and of course we were not going to miss the big techno party. I’d even bought a new pair of high heels which I promptly showed off at the party; not without falling face-first on the floor due to a miscalculation in walking up a step. grated my nailvarnish off my toenails and provided a good laugh ;-))
later we wanted to go back home and of course the car wouldn’t start… so there we were, pushing the car to bump start it once more, me in high heels and pretty clothes… must have been quite a sight!
the next day we spent recovering, chilling out and cooking again for our renewed attempt at the national park planned for sunday. we had a good sleep, got up and breakfasted and proceeded to loading the car once again; we’re getting really good at this now. we drove off to akagera, paid for our tickets again – this time it was half price because of a promotion during the entire month of may – buy one get one free; or do they call it two for one? never mind. when we told the guy that four days earlier this promotion had not been on he told us that they got informed about it late… mmmh, nearly all of may late. this is africa.
we drove off and enjoyed the views of the lake and the general feeling of having finally made it to our destination; the gods were on our side again! I was trying to find the pic nic spot by the lake which we had been to last time and we were driving up this road and round the bend and – OH! not 10 metres away stood the mythical elephant bull, munching away on papyrus. I tried to say something but no words came out; I must have looked like a fish out of water. we were a bit confused as to what to do. the elephant seemed chilled enough and didn’t seem to take any notice of us – and yet we were scared that he might suddenly charge and attack. we took some pictures and then reversed away from him. so the path to our pic nic spot was blocked. oh well, never mind, we found another spot on the shores of the lake; parked the car nose down and settled down with a glass of nice white wine and a wonderful pic nic.
it got to about four pm and we decided it was time to head up the camp site, set up camp and settle down for the night; indulge on another glass of wine and game of backgammon by the fire. obviously the car didn’t start with the key so we rolled it down the hill and guess what? it didn’t jump. so we had the nose of the car almost in the marshes that lead up to the lake and couldn’t get the engine running. shit. but we’re strong girls and so we pushed her backwards to try again. it took all our strength to push her across the uneven ground and back up the slope to try again. and again it didn’t work. we pushed her back one last time – by that time sweating and aching. but we pushed and pushed and eventually deemed her far enough up the hill to try again. and again we failed. so there was bertinchen, right next to the water and of course now that we needed cars none were anywhere near us. we sat there wondering what to do. we kind of figured out that the spot where we were must be a hippo grazing spot. and sure enough just as we’d established that we could hear splashing and grunting. we both got scared… what if they come out now? it is round about the time when dusk starts settling down and the time when hippos are likely to emerge from the lake to graze… should we stay in the car? should we walk away from it? from the bush on the other side we could hear other noises and with the rogue elephant not far we were a bit worried, naturally. we phoned the park reception to ask them to radio the rangers so that they could help us push the car back onto the track where we could bump start it easily. in the meantime I walked up to the track to see if I could find anyone. it was like the opening scene of a horror movie: two people setting out for a night of camping, car breaks down, one leaves to get help and never comes back, the other one also gets eaten by the monster. we stayed together. the clonking noises we could hear turned out to be someone chopping wood. he didn’t speak neither English nor French; but luckily I could just about say ‘me having problem car’ in Kiswahili. and he could push… together we nearly got the car back onto the track. the last 5 metres were managed with the help of a couple of rangers that turned up. we bump started her and were on the road again. so far so good.
we arrived at the camp site just as the sun was setting; and it was just idyllic. the fire had already been lit – just as well as we should discover later; what I thought was kerosene turned out to be coca cola… that’s what happens when your cleaning lady stocks the coca cola bottle next to the kerosene jerry can where for months before there had been an old coke bottle filled with kerosene. so imagine the laugh I had when I was about to light the lanterns and by chance decided to smell the liquid first – I thought, that smells awfully sweet for kerosene…
the next morning we witnessed a beautiful sunrise, had fresh, hot coffee straight from the espresso machine in the embers of the fire and overall were looking forward to finding giraffes, zebras and any other animal we could find.
naturally we had to bump start the car. but now the engine randomly kept dying. by the time we got to the reception I was nervous and pissed off. we called out the park’s mechanic again who fiddled with the car for a good hour to conclude there was something wrong with the starter motor. they. had. just. fixed. that.
but he also concluded that if we went slowly and on low revs we should be able to make it back to kigali. we took a little detour to find the giraffes; and we did. it was magnificent. but too short.
we made it back to kigali all right and I took the car back to the garage. again. when the mechanic looked at it he concluded that the starter motor seemed fine, but that there wasn’t enough electrical tension to start the car; in short – something in the circuit is not working. and I bet you it’s the effing cables in the end.
so here we are again; the plan was to set out on the second road trip of the holiday tomorrow. this won’t be possible. so much for planning. and here’s to my friend who is currently achieving proficiency level in the crash course on African patience… pole pole. this is africa. and I love it. regardless.
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